Why does this happen? It all has to do with our nervous systems. We typically are taught about the body's automatic response to protect us from danger being either the fight or flight response. This stems from our sympathetic nervous system, one of the two main branches in the nervous system. This is misleading because, in reality, a person will often freeze to assess a situation, even for a brief moment, and if completely overwhelmed during an event and the body detects (key word being body, not your rational mind) that the other two options are unavailable (fight or flight) it will freeze up. This parasympathetic nervous system response is completely normal, completely involuntary, and is critical for our survival. But due to the lack of normalization or understanding of it, people often feel a sense of deep shame or self blame for “not having done anything”. People who experienced tonic immobility are more likely as well to experience depression and PTSD. This is in part due to the cultural belief in the myth that survivors should always run or fight back, and if they didn’t, well, that's on them, which of course is some BS.

It should be stated loudly that none of these reactions means someone is cowardly or consented to an act of violence. These reactions are a direct result of the body's ingrained circuitry of fear, and should be looked at with compassion and respect. Your body is trying to keep you safe. One of the major reasons it took me years to come forward to my friends and family about my own personal experience of being sexually assaulted in college was how I was seeing others react to survivors.

While sitting in my living room, one of my friends brought up a story of a young woman who was sexually assaulted at the college some of us attended. I heard my closest friends say, “if that was me I would have punched his lights out. I would have kicked him straight in the balls and ran away” and “why didn’t they do anything? Why didn’t they just didn’t move?” Again, I felt frozen, shocked, and surprised that this was the response. I said very little during the conversation, and I definitely didn’t feel comfortable bringing up my own experience of rape paralysis, so I again held in my ever festering internalized shame and pushed it into the background of my mind. And these were my BEST friends speaking. Even though they were appalled by the event, they were also perpetuating a particular myth and sexist ideology that had been fed to them by our patriarchal culture. Damn you patriarchy...The truth is, we have all been socialized to believe certain things about the behaviors of others. It does not mean we are horrible people, it just goes to show the power of socialization and the need to unlearn harmful ideologies that we typically perpetuate unconsciously, even if we too are harmed by them. I'm talking about all the “ism’s here, sexism, racism, cissexism, heterosexism, ableism and capitalism, etc. Part of that starts here with learning about our nervous system responses.

It was years into my healing when I finally had a good grasp about WHY my body responded the way it did, which is what I wanted to speak to that here. This knowledge is a game changer because we can develop more compassion for our own bodies, for others reactions, and be able to normalize and support those we know who have been through sexual trauma, which unfortunately is far too many people (1-4 women have been sexually assaulted and 1 in 74 men, and the highest of all, 2-3 trans women according to RAINN).

The freeze response is one of the automatic survival mechanisms our bodies have developed to keep us safe and alive. The reality is no one knows how they will react in a frightening or dangerous situation, and depending on the situation, our nervous systems largely determine that for us. Therefore, it's erroneous and harmful for us to assume we know how we would react to an assault, let alone judge others for how they responded. 

Also, it’s incredibly difficult for assault survivors to come forward and speak about their experience for a variety of reasons. Society tends to blame victims-female and fem victims in particular- for what happened to them. Speaking out about an instance of assault can be very painful, trigger traumatic memories to surface, and can often trigger backlash for survivors if they aren’t believed or supported in their communities. Despite the prevailing myth that assault perpetrators are typically dangerous strangers, according to the National Sexual Violence Resources Center, about 8 out of 10 victims know their attacker. This adds to the complicated process of coming forward, particularly if it's a co-worker, friend, or family member. There can be repercussions in the community if they aren’t believed, as well as  in our inner circles.

Freeze as a survival mechanism needs to be normalized. It is our body's way of protecting us and can show up anytime we feel overwhelmed, scared, stressed out, or facing a dangerous situation. Ever spaced out before? That's a micro version of freeze. It's often reported that those who experience freeze during an assault, black-out the event, forget large chunks of time, or will have an out of body experience as if they were viewing themselves as an outsider. It is also not uncommon for people to dissociate from the parts of their bodies that were violated. There may be little or no sensation in certain areas when we do experience contact there, or chronic tension and pain can develop over time, sometimes months or years after an event. This is also the freeze response showing up longer term. Essentially, these symptoms are survival energy that's gotten “stuck” in our tissue and nervous system that hasn’t had an opportunity to release. If we haven’t had the opportunity to discharge or process the traumatic event then we may develop traumatic symptoms, both psychological and physiological.

Its also very likely that these physical symptoms, because they often dont show up immediately, will start to mysteriously pop up much later, or we develop different syndromes down the line. It can however, also look a lot simpler. Maybe you avoid a part of town unconsciously. Maybe you hate wearing scarves now. Maybe you are having sex with a new partner you care about and can’t be present, or sex now is just painful. Maybe someone at work makes a comment and you feel totally triggered and thrown off, and you wonder why you are so upset.

In the case of sexual assault, it could be beneficial to see a bodyworker or therapist trained in somatic trauma resolution methods who can help the body release held tension patterns in the tissues and nervous system. Myofascial release and craniosacral therapy are particularly good physical touch interventions that help people come out of long standing chronic holding patterns that are often related to trauma. A Somatic Experiencing trauma practitioner is another great option for learning about your nervous system and allowing the body to come back into homeostasis. Sessions can also include touch but aren’t always necessary. Getting EMDR by a counselor or seeking a support group can allow huge shifts in your system as well.

These all can be done whenever one feels ready, even if that means months or years after an event. The body is always looking to come back into balance and time is not a factor in the healing process. Another reason touch and somatic (body) based modalities are needed is because you could be at peace with an event in your mind, or its something you almost never think of, but you your body may still have the imprint of that trauma. Most importantly, remember, the way your body reacts during an event is meant to keep you safe, and it means nothing about you as a person-whether or not you are “strong”. Humans are incredibly resilient and capable of overcoming adversity and believe it or not, your body has your back.

Again, there is nothing wrong with you. It wasn’t your fault.

Kelly Zarcone fuses the polyvagal theory, bodywork therapies, and somatic trauma informed interventions such as Somatic Experiencing to support you on your healing journey. 

Book a session today to begin your healing journey.